I grow weary of the single life...

you two ....................... ...................

Hey, John, . . . I know that marriage won't always be "peaches and cream", . . . but if it is good the majority of the time, then it is something worth hoping for. I will gladly pass on any bad relationships, but the potential is there for good, so I will continue to search for it.

DeavonReye wrote:Hey, John, . . . I know that marriage won't always be "peaches and cream", . . . but if it is good the majority of the time, then it is something worth hoping for. I will gladly pass on any bad relationships, but the potential is there for good, so I will continue to search for it.

I guess what I was trying to say, Deavon is to stop stressing over it and just let it happen. That's all.

It is true what they say. It often happens when you are not looking. I was in a fairly unhappy relationship when I met Anthony. The boy I was involved with wasn't the one, but there wasn't enough there to really make me want to break it off. Anthony asked me out the night we met, and I broke it off the following morning with the other boy. I wasn't going to cheat on him, but I needed something to make me break it off.




And that, ladies and gentlemen is the story of how I got myself a stalker. There were a few months that were very much not fun.

I wear a gold ring on my left ring finger. I didn't realize it was mistaken for a wedding ring at first, but most women who notice it say it's the prettiest wedding band they've ever seen. One tonight asked me if I had children and how many (hence my facebook status ). I love my ring, and well, it probably saves me from unwanted attention.

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:I wear a gold ring on my left ring finger. I didn't realize it was mistaken for a wedding ring at first, but most women who notice it say it's the prettiest wedding band they've ever seen. One tonight asked me if I had children and how many (hence my facebook status ). I love my ring, and well, it probably saves me from unwanted attention.

I have never worn a wedding ring. In fact, I don't wear any jewelry at all. I suppose it seems odd, but I find jewelry to be confining, and it all drives me nuts (or nuttier than Maine already thinks I am). Being the unapologetic flirt that I am, it's never been a problem for me. In fact, both of us are unapologetic flirts. (shrugs) I suppose that keeps us honest. I have known people to actually wear wedding rings though in order to attract attention. Like luring a fly into a web. People seem to want uncommitted one night stands, and the idea of "doing it" with someone already in a relationship is the ideal catch for the night. I suppose it works both ways TED.

sacrificialgoddess wrote:
And that, ladies and gentlemen is the story of how I got myself a stalker. There were a few months that were very much not fun.

Me too!!! LOL My hubby had to follow me home from work every night for awhile....yeesh!

John A. Cancienne wrote:

DeavonReye wrote:Hey, John, . . . I know that marriage won't always be "peaches and cream", . . . but if it is good the majority of the time, then it is something worth hoping for. I will gladly pass on any bad relationships, but the potential is there for good, so I will continue to search for it.

I guess what I was trying to say, Deavon is to stop stressing over it and just let it happen. That's all.

Don't get me wrong. This will sound a bit "oxymoronic", . . . but I hold onto hope, but have given up looking.

sacrificialgoddess wrote:
And that, ladies and gentlemen is the story of how I got myself a stalker. There were a few months that were very much not fun.

That could be a horrible situation.

gillyflower wrote:Because you are a little more discriminating than they are?

Honestly, if you come down here, I can hook you up with all kinds of drug dealers and users, a couple of pimps, some guys fresh out of prison, a couple of sex offenders and all kinds of crazy people, and since none of the above are employed, they'd have plenty of time to devote to you. But I don't expect you really want any of them, do you?

I represent most of the above; but have never considered them a dating source-No, not even the working girls. Though I have contributed to the "single mom-working her way through college fund" more than my fair share.

Davelaw wrote:

gillyflower wrote:Because you are a little more discriminating than they are?

Honestly, if you come down here, I can hook you up with all kinds of drug dealers and users, a couple of pimps, some guys fresh out of prison, a couple of sex offenders and all kinds of crazy people, and since none of the above are employed, they'd have plenty of time to devote to you. But I don't expect you really want any of them, do you?

I represent most of the above; but have never considered them a dating source-No, not even the working girls. Though I have contributed to the "single mom-working her way through college fund" more than my fair share.

You know Dave.... Hookers need love too....

maybeso: but they can get their love from some one else

entertainers at Gentlemen's clubs are another story

Davelaw wrote:maybeso: but they can get their love from some one else

entertainers at Gentlemen's clubs are another story

Ah life. Some like 'em tall, some like 'em short, and others like 'em waiting at the doors of clubs with most of their clothes on.

The last guy I checked out didn't even show up to meet me.

The one before that was batsh!t insane (completely off the rails!), but very pretty!

I'm about ready to give up, and ask my parents to look for me.

DeavonReye wrote:However, nothing even on the horizon, in terms of a relationship. I'm not really searching for advice, I suppose. Just venting a bit. I'm a GOOD man . . . and just don't understand why I am stuck in this singleness.

There's too much pressure in our society to find a mate. Oftentimes, the state of singlehood is represented as being 'less than,' the state of coupledom. I don't agree with this assessment. I have been single for almost two and a half years. When my ex and I first split, there was a deep sense of loss and a feeling of 'things not quite being right,' as I adjusted to us no longer being together. I gave myself a moratorium on dating for a certain time, to process and finish all those feelings one has at the end of a relationship.

Now, it's like being in an entirely different world. I LOVE being single. My social calendar is full. I have got my nose in so many interests that get me off. There's a certain sense of joy and happiness I carry with me every where I go. I know others see it and respond to it, which is why I am continually invited to so many social functions, but I also know because I still get hit on all of the time, even by early twenty- & thirty- something kids!

At this point and this age of 45, I am open to the idea of getting back into a relationship, but at the same time, there's certain things I have to have in a partner and I won't settle or compromise on those things. (I am not talking about the superficial here, but what matters most in people.) In other words, I am as happy single as I am in relationships, so I can't just jump into any relationship. On the other hand, if one of the right people came along, I certainly wouldn't shut the door on that either.

DeavonReye wrote:I have a HARD time finding a picture that is acceptable for me to put on the sites. And you're right. It is mostly about looks anymore. As I said, it makes no difference how good of a person I am, how well I would treat someone, that I am talented, CLEAN, etc. . . . .none of it matters because the superfiscial crap is king out there. It's all about looks and money......One of the main dating sites I've been on for this past month, that I paid a month service for, has yielded nothing and will expire at the end of this week. I will let it expire too.

How can an online dating site NOT be superficial? The picture is the first thing which will be viewed. I am not personally a fan of online dating. A picture is only a two dimensional representation of the appearance of a multi-dimensional person. Am I the only one who sees a problem here?

NOTHING beats real-life interaction in the real world. We humans communicate with all manner of non-verbal cues that a picture or online profile can not possibly show. A picture can not show how a smile breaks upon the face of a person and lights up the eyes. A picture can not show how one carries themselves. A picture can not show how one deals with one's emotions. A picture can not show the full range of body language with which one communicates.

Additionally, there is a HUGE potential for misrepresentation with online dating, from lying about one's age, weight or life circumstances (how do you know they aren't married?). Whereas, in the real world, when ones associates with people in groups, one has the ability to ask around and find out if the stories they tell about themselves or circumstances be true or not.

I am not saying online dating can't work. I am saying the human interaction in the real world can give a more accurate reflection of the people you meet.

MaineCaptain wrote:I am not a bar type person, since I do not drink. I don't know what to say either.

Are there any bars near you that have free two-step or country and western line dance classes? If so, GO. I DETEST C&W music, but I had a BLAST at the dance classes and met more people than I could shake a stick at. You don't have to worry about what to say either, because every conversation starts out about whatever dance you happen to be learning. I didn't drink AT ALL at the time I was doing this either. And as far as the line dance classes, if you ever did the hustle in the 70s, or the electric slide in the 80s, you already have a background for some of the dance steps. (Although, you can pull up instructional videos on YouTube and practice at home a bit before actually showing up for a class. Just be aware every city seems to have slight variations on any given dance.) Two-step classes are nice because you have to partner up, which means you get to wrap your arms around big, burly men to even learn it. What's not to like about that?

MaineCaptain wrote:They say you only have one chance to make a first impression, but first impressions are rarely accurate

Telling people I am a big dork up front seems to bring a laugh and break the ice up front.

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:In reality though, and being serious, having a pet is a lifesaver for the single folk.

A friend of mine, years ago, got this dog from the pound. It was the strangest dog you ever saw. It was obviously a hound from the body type, but the coat was pure dalmation. She COULD NOT WALK THE DOG IN PUBLIC, without EVERYBODY AND THEIR MAMA coming up to ask her what the hell kind of dog it was. Talk about an ice-breaker.

MaineCaptain wrote:But you need to be more positive about yourself.

For me, this hinges on the question of what expectation do I carry when I go out? If I carry the expectation that I will meet someone, or worse, that I will meet my life partner, I would actually be setting myself up for disappointment.

On the other hand, if I go out with the idea that I am going to have a BLAST, chat a bunch of people up and in general enjoy myself, I am ALWAYS happy at the end of the nght, because it's such an easy goal to meet.

HappyKweer wrote:

MaineCaptain wrote:I am not a bar type person, since I do not drink. I don't know what to say either.

Are there any bars near you that have free two-step or country and western line dance classes? If so, GO. I DETEST C&W music, but I had a BLAST at the dance classes and met more people than I could shake a stick at. You don't have to worry about what to say either, because every conversation starts out about whatever dance you happen to be learning. I didn't drink AT ALL at the time I was doing this either. And as far as the line dance classes, if you ever did the hustle in the 70s, or the electric slide in the 80s, you already have a background for some of the dance steps. (Although, you can pull up instructional videos on YouTube and practice at home a bit before actually showing up for a class. Just be aware every city seems to have slight variations on any given dance.) Two-step classes are nice because you have to partner up, which means you get to wrap your arms around big, burly men to even learn it. What's not to like about that?

You are right events such as that can be very enjoyable, I never did understand the Hustle, And I was a wee one back in the 70s.

MaineCaptain wrote:I never did understand the Hustle,

You know, I go back and forth about line dancing. On the one hand, it's kind of a monkey see, monkey do kind of thing. On the other hand, it's really nice when so many people hit the floor at the same time and move in the exact same way. It's almost a tribal thing, where no matter our differences, we can unite and share our humanity in those moments. I mean really, how often in life do you actually see many different people actually agree to move in the same direction (hello Congress)? Although for that experience, the Latin clubs are the best. Never have I seen so many people move as one as on the dance floor of the Latin bars. Every individual disappears into this one mass energetic blob on the floor. It's magic of the highest order.

The most SENSUAL of the two-step dances is the Shadow. I don't claim to have learned it, although I kind of semi-did it. When you see two people who really know this dance do it and they are totally comfortable with each other, it is almost as if they are floating off the floor. I attempted it once, allowing a very HAWT, silver-haired, early 40s Cajun fox to lead me, although the steps were really a modified two-step. He started me off the floor, then moved us onto the floor. It was almost as sensual as being behind closed doors. My heart still races just recalling it, although his heavy Cajun accent and steel blue eyes probably had alot to do with it. You have to not mind someone's crotch grinding into your behind though. I literally melted and was completely weak at the knees once it was over.

HappyKweer wrote:

MaineCaptain wrote:I never did understand the Hustle,

You know, I go back and forth about line dancing. On the one hand, it's kind of a monkey see, monkey do kind of thing. On the other hand, it's really nice when so many people hit the floor at the same time and move in the exact same way. It's almost a tribal thing, where no matter our differences, we can unite and share our humanity in those moments. I mean really, how often in life do you actually see many different people actually agree to move in the same direction (hello Congress)? Although for that experience, the Latin clubs are the best. Never have I seen so many people move as one as on the dance floor of the Latin bars. Every individual disappears into this one mass energetic blob on the floor. It's magic of the highest order.

I had never thought about it that way, but you are right, it is nice to see people working together and having fun doing it.

HappyKweer wrote:
The most SENSUAL of the two-step dances is the Shadow. I don't claim to have learned it, although I kind of semi-did it. When you see two people who really know this dance do it and they are totally comfortable with each other, it is almost as if they are floating off the floor. I attempted it once, allowing a very HAWT, silver-haired, early 40s Cajun fox to lead me, although the steps were really a modified two-step. He started me off the floor, then moved us onto the floor. It was almost as sensual as being behind closed doors. My heart still races just recalling it, although his heavy Cajun accent and steel blue eyes probably had alot to do with it. You have to not mind someone's crotch grinding into your behind though. I literally melted and was completely weak at the knees once it was over.

No comment, except to say, I am pleased you had a good time with happy memories of the evening.





Dancing can be a very enjoyable thing, I do love dancing, but it is a work out too.

It's a very old tradition, dances where everyone does the same thing. Look at the English country dances and today the Contra dances in the mountains. I think people like me enjoy dances where you know what will happen rather than rely on following someone else or making it up as you go.

gillyflower wrote:It's a very old tradition, dances where everyone does the same thing. Look at the English country dances and today the Contra dances in the mountains. I think people like me enjoy dances where you know what will happen rather than rely on following someone else or making it up as you go.

I want so badly to view dancing as a superfluous, silly, superficial and unnecessary thing, but it's too much FUN. It's physical. It's cardio. It gets your blood pumping. It gets your heart rate up. It raises your metabolism. It makes you feel alive. It's SEXUAL. It's SOCIAL.

If you have ever worked out before, you are well aware of 'THE ZONE' your mind and body gets into when you hit that level of exercise that drops you off in nirvana. Once you are in 'THE ZONE,' your walls come down. Your inhibitions disappear. The endorphins flood your body and mind. Those 'masks' we wear come off and we are happy to just be ourselves. THAT'S what I love about dancing.

Well... I do miss the whole non-complicated-life part of being single. On the other hand, he's not smothering me, or anything, so....