I grow weary of the single life...

Since the place is still being built, and the walls have yet to be painted, I thought about asking if a neutral beige could be used, but it isn't MY place to suggest. I'm sure they buy their paint in bulk, and hire out the contractors well in advance of the build.


I've decided that I will no longer search for a "new relationship". I've had extremely bad luck all my life, . . . . and it's really a shame because I really do feel that I would have made someone a GOOD bf/spouse. Of course, it ultimately doesn't matter what I personally think of myself, but how others choose to see me.

I'm a lot happier not looking, personally, though occasional one-nighters happen every so often since I at least need a little release. I've tried the committed relationship thing and found it really difficult, even though it wasn't long at all. It's not what it looks like in the Disney movies. While it was the best thing I ever had, it was also the worst thing I ever had to go through, and I don't think the down is worth the up.

No point to all this, just rambling like an old geezer.

Keep in mind guys that there are women out there that feel the same way and have had the same experience. They very much would love a good committed relationship.

But like you can not seem to find a kind thoughtful person. Those that are truly compatible and on the same page are difficult to find. But they do exist.
Never give up, just stop looking at break neck speed. Let it happen.

True. . . . . . . SOOOOO true. Two people being on the same page is VERY dificult for some to find. That's been my case. . . . . . and I would also agree that the up definitely ISN'T worth the down afterwards. This last one broke me.

If I am surprised, someday, with someone who is true, . . . . then I will celebrate extravagantly!

Just to add to this. E-Harmony sux. You go thru their little progam. Ask questions/ get answers you finally get to the email stage and the longest someone has continued to talk to me is a week.

That's what makes this place better than eHarmony! We'll keep talking to you next week, and the week after that too, Dave.

I think that the best course of action is to try to make good friends with people of both sexes. I know that I've turned down a couple of men who made it clear they were looking for a girlfriend right from the get-go and I wasn't sure at that early point that I wanted them for a boyfriend. A friend, certainly, but more than that? Not sure. If I go out with them, it felt like I might be wasting their time since they were so clearly on a mission for the one thing only.

It felt like the difference between the way women shop and men shop (sorry for the generalization, I know that all men and all women aren't the same). Many women like to browse, keep their options open, go back for another look, or two or three, aren't sure exactly what they want and may "buy" something entirely different than they went in for and maybe try out several different things and so on. Men are on a mission. They head straight to the right rack, pull off something that will do and buy it. Game over.

I just wonder how people I know who have no redeeming qualities whatsoever manage to find significant others and I somehow can't.

Because you are a little more discriminating than they are?

Honestly, if you come down here, I can hook you up with all kinds of drug dealers and users, a couple of pimps, some guys fresh out of prison, a couple of sex offenders and all kinds of crazy people, and since none of the above are employed, they'd have plenty of time to devote to you. But I don't expect you really want any of them, do you?

No thanks, I've got plenty of 70-year-old-looking meth addicts here to pick from.

I meant it more in the sense of what Kate Monster says in Avenue Q:

I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart
I like romantic things
Like music and art
And as you know
I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have
A boyfriend?
Fuck! It sucks to be me!


Ya know? It comes easy to pretty much everyone else I know. No problems acquiring boy/girlfriends with them...

LoL, I love Kate, she's so cute singing that verse.

Genocon wrote:No thanks, I've got plenty of 70-year-old-looking meth addicts here to pick from.

I meant it more in the sense of what Kate Monster says in Avenue Q:

I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart
I like romantic things
Like music and art
And as you know
I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have
A boyfriend?
Fuck! It sucks to be me!


Ya know? It comes easy to pretty much everyone else I know. No problems acquiring boy/girlfriends with them...

It seems that way, sometimes, . . . . . that's for sure. When you are single, it seems like there are couples around every corner!!

I can relate to those lyrics, . . . . . . except, of course, changing that one word to "girlfriend"!!

You forgot to say "happy couples around every corner" because there's also the ones who yell "--- you" into the phone at their girl or boy friends, or sit at the cafe table with nothing to say to each other, or are busy texting their other girl or boy friends, or who get drunk (or don't even need to do that) and embarrass their girl/boy friends in front friends, family or the boss. The ones who don't listen, don't care, spend all their money, make fun of them, slap them around, fall asleep, get headaches when romance is wanted and go off with their buddies when they are needed.

You really do need to remember the downside of coupling, too. The grass is greener syndrome don't you know?

I think Charles Schulz sums up the attitude we need to take here:

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really
like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work.
Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have
to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need
more hellos.

It's true, gilly, . . . . one never knows where a couple is at even if they AREN'T doing the things you described. I have decided that I am a hopeless romantic. It reminds me of a scene from Ally McBeal.

man: "Am I crazy? When two people get married, they should be in love, . . . madly! Am I crazy?

Ally: You're not crazy, . . . . but I think it's our little secret.

gillyflower wrote:
You really do need to remember the downside of coupling, too. The grass is greener syndrome don't you know?

Are you kidding? I lived the downside for a couple years. Now I think I more than deserve to see the upside that didn't stick around long with my last relationship.

Why did you stay in a hellish relationship for years?

gillyflower wrote:Why did you stay in a hellish relationship for years?

I wouldn't call it hellish, but it certainly wasn't healthy. We both held on and tried to make it work, but it just wasn't meant to be.

I like to think that I deserve something amazing too. That doesn't mean it will happen. I'll keep a hope out for it, though.

I think it will happen too. As long as you've learned the lesson the universe was handing out in your last relationship, it's been my experience that it isn't repeated. And if a pep talk comes flying out of my mouth about respecting yourself, recognizing abusive behavior and having the courage to refuse to be treated that way, put it down to having given it so many times. I have three girls.

Teach them well!

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:I'm a lot happier not looking, personally, though occasional one-nighters happen every so often since I at least need a little release. I've tried the committed relationship thing and found it really difficult, even though it wasn't long at all. It's not what it looks like in the Disney movies. While it was the best thing I ever had, it was also the worst thing I ever had to go through, and I don't think the down is worth the up.

No point to all this, just rambling like an old geezer.

This is coming from someone who follows the LoA?! You get what you ask for, Joseph. And I think you know what I'm saying here.

Deavon, this may not sound too supportive for you, or any of the rest of you.... But here it comes anyway. Dee and I have stuck out our relationship through all sorts of changes. We've had our ups, and more downs than I'd care to consider. We've lived through our times of plenty, and times when there just wasn't enough. More than once, we've gotten angry and said "fuck this, I quit", and meant every word when we said it. All the while, we were just going back to our neutral corners and waiting for the bell to ring for the next round.

In our marriage we've gone from lust, where we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, to those times when the kids went to sleep, and we didn't just collapse in a heap from exhaustion to looking forward to them being on dates and spending a few quiet hours at home. Now we are pretty much on our own again, and are adjusting to it. We are enjoying that period of adjustment I might add. All of this was a series of adjusting. During those years, we have evolved as individuals. I've spent a lot of my marriage away from the family, and Dee has bore the brunt of raising the kids and running the house all by her self. She was a strong independent woman to begin with, and she met the challenge head on. We understood the importance of our vows, although we seldom understood them at the same time. Oddly enough, the one who was doing the understanding at the time managed to hold the other up until he or she caught up.

I don't know what anyone is actually looking for, or wants out of a long term relationship. But I can tell you if your looking for a super highway all of the time, you're in for a big disappointment. When dealing in close quarters with another human, who has expectations all of their own, much of the time is going to be on a cow path until you both come to the conclusion that sometime you are going to have to let the other do a little of the navigating, and trust them enough to follow where they are leading. Dee and I through the years have developed our own interests, have our own friends, and are involved. What this means is that we don't expect, or want to share every waking moment together. We have enough common interests that we spend time pursuing, but we allow each other the freedom to express ourselves in other areas. I know some people both male and female who think that if they allow their partners that much rope, it's a sign that there's no interest in the relationship any longer. But I think it's what helps to keep the relationship fresh and vibrant. So does Dee.

Now to be honest, over thirty years ago, this wouldn't have been anywhere near my definition of a successful relationship. I had ideas that ranged somewhere between one long party, and continual lovemaking on sandy moonlit beaches. And I wasn't looking for a committed relationship when I met Dee either. To be perfectly honest, I don't know when I decided that's what I was after with her. We had been together for a few years; I do know that much.

Relationships find us, I suppose. And it always happens when we are just living a life, and enjoying what we're doing. It was easier then, I suppose too, because we didn't have cyber chat rooms to go to. We were forced to go out and mingle with people, and let nature take it's course. And long term relationships come about easier when there are no up front expectations. We simply enjoy the company, and let it develop on it's on.

In AA we're taught that it's OK to plan for the future...... Just don't plan the results.

John A. Cancienne wrote:

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:I'm a lot happier not looking, personally, though occasional one-nighters happen every so often since I at least need a little release. I've tried the committed relationship thing and found it really difficult, even though it wasn't long at all. It's not what it looks like in the Disney movies. While it was the best thing I ever had, it was also the worst thing I ever had to go through, and I don't think the down is worth the up.

No point to all this, just rambling like an old geezer.

This is coming from someone who follows the LoA?! You get what you ask for, Joseph. And I think you know what I'm saying here.

I've backslid.

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:

John A. Cancienne wrote:

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:I'm a lot happier not looking, personally, though occasional one-nighters happen every so often since I at least need a little release. I've tried the committed relationship thing and found it really difficult, even though it wasn't long at all. It's not what it looks like in the Disney movies. While it was the best thing I ever had, it was also the worst thing I ever had to go through, and I don't think the down is worth the up.

No point to all this, just rambling like an old geezer.

This is coming from someone who follows the LoA?! You get what you ask for, Joseph. And I think you know what I'm saying here.

I've backslid.

You are forgiven, my Son. Go now and sin no more.

John A. Cancienne wrote:

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:

John A. Cancienne wrote:

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:I'm a lot happier not looking, personally, though occasional one-nighters happen every so often since I at least need a little release. I've tried the committed relationship thing and found it really difficult, even though it wasn't long at all. It's not what it looks like in the Disney movies. While it was the best thing I ever had, it was also the worst thing I ever had to go through, and I don't think the down is worth the up.

No point to all this, just rambling like an old geezer.

This is coming from someone who follows the LoA?! You get what you ask for, Joseph. And I think you know what I'm saying here.

I've backslid.

You are forgiven, my Son. Go now and sin no more.

Bless you, Father.