Re: Taking the plunge ....

by **TigersEyeDowsing** Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:31 pm

The herpes comment is the one that kept flashing through my mind yesterday. Laughing

I even borrowed it.

by **MaineCaptain** Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:34 pm

lovely silly psychic abilities

by Davelaw Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:35 pm

HappyKweer wrote:
wontgetfooledagain wrote:Any other 40+ single people out there?

Present and accounted for. I am queer, but the methods should be the same even though our orientations differ. You knew me as itsacru on Bnet, by the way. MaineCaptain told me of this place via PM.

wontgetfooledagain wrote:
I need ideas.

Ok.

wontgetfooledagain wrote:

I have no interest in doing the online dating thing.

I also don't do the bar scene

someone told me that churches are a great place to meet women.

where do I begin?

Ditch the idea that any given 'place' is a great place to meet women. There is no such place, because every place you go is such a place.

Ditch the idea you wish to date. Your only goal is to play a numbers game. The more new people you meet, the greater your chances of meeting potential partners. You won't be dating anyway until you've met those potentials. So your goal is to meet as many new people as you possibly can. Dating comes later.

What are your interests? What skill or hobby would you like to learn? Go take or TEACH classes in your interests. Check local colleges for non-credit adult education courses, either to teach or attend. (A song in 4 chords - Care to teach a non-credit adult education class in that and get PAID to do so, while meeting new people?) If you know little about cars, take classes in simple car maintenance. (It might be worth it to take such a class even if you know enough about car maintenance already.) Is there any work you need to do around your home, such as repairing holes in drywall or painting? Home Depot gives FREE classes on the weekend. (Don't laugh. There's alot of single women who live alone and wish to learn how to do car maintenance or simply home repair/maintenance themselves. Where do you think they go to learn?) Find atheist discussion groups in your area. Check your local area papers for classes in hobbies, crafts, sports, social groups, etc or anything else you might be interested in. Join a bowling league or poker group or something similar that matches your interests. Pick your favorite causes and do charity work to support those causes. Put the word out amongst your friends you are available and by that I mean your close friends who know you well and know your personality. Put the word out amongst your kids. They have friends who have divorced or available moms I am sure. Determine how many nights of each week you are willing to be out socializing around your interests and stick to it. The more nights you are out and about being cosmopolitan, the higher your chance of meeting potential partners.

Why do any of the above? First of all, none of the above involves dating, so there is no pressure. Second, every person you meet will share at least one of your interests, providing common ground for conversation from the get go. Third, you get the chance to not just meet new people with common interests, but also OBSERVE them over a period of time. How does that 44 year old hottie act when she is late getting to class? Is she merely flustered or does she get really mean? How she deals with her frustration will let you know how good of a match she might be for you, BEFORE you ever ask her out on a date.

When you are out and about meeting these new people, limit the conversation about you as much as possible and keep the focus on them and their life as much as possible. Sure it might turn out the 40 year old is in the middle of a divorce (making her off limits due to possible drama or if you don't want to be rebound guy), but if you keep the focus on her and her situation, you might discover she has a sister who was divorced 4 years ago and ready to get back out in the field. Don't ignore the guys either. They have sisters, while the younger guys might have single moms.

It's a numbers game. If each person you meet in one week knows ten people and you meet ten people in a week, your circle of aquaintances can go from zero to 100 in 7 days. But you won't ever hear about who else each person knows if all you do is talk about yourself and your life, so make it a point to keep the focus on them. They will walk away from the conversation thinking you were HIGHLY interesting when you let them go on and on about themselves anyway.

If you are the type who keeps blinders on while shopping (like I have a tendency to do with the get in, find my items, get out as quickly as possible mentality) you could well be missing MANY opportunities. Slow down and don't rush when shopping. You will be surprised at how many people check you out as you shop, even though you are in your mid-40s.

Final Words: Once this numbers game pays off and you are actually dating, pay close attention to how they handle anger. For me at least, there is no better sign as to long-term possibilities than how they deal with anger.

Keep us posted and let us know how it goes.

I disagree; there are several good places. Grocery stores, Libraries, Book stores. If you want a divorced person with kids-Chucky Cheese (mid week-visitation) all of the aforementioned places are real life settings where you can observe people in their own environment. If you catch an eye great-if not go on; but these are place where your prospective is less likely to be guarded or fake-like they would in a Church, a bar or even an art museum.

and tho Rob has not posted here since I have been on-I happen to know he has a passion for music-try to look for people with shared passions-hang out at music venues etc...

by **MaineCaptain** Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:37 pm

This is true I love live Music

by **TigersEyeDowsing** Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:40 pm

Dave, I'm sure Rob would have no problem catching an eye in the grocery store.

When you look like I do

Taking the plunge .... - Page 4 Funny_Pictures_6190

the only looks you get are NOT flattering.

by **MaineCaptain** Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:42 pm

by Davelaw Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:47 pm

You should see me dressed as a Nun or a Pilgrim woman (variations on the same costume)- with full beard/ its equally attractive.

by **TigersEyeDowsing** Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:48 pm

Sister Mary Misdemeanor?

by **MaineCaptain** Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:53 pm

by Davelaw Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:57 pm

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:Sister Mary Misdemeanor?

close enough, I was dressed as the Pilgrim for the Thanksgiving edition of a Monday Nite Football broadcast of a Houston Oilers game-that dates me

Dan Dierdorf said I was the ugliest woman he had ever seen. I am still very proud of that comment.

by DotNotInOz Tue Sep 15, 2009 5:12 pm

MaineCaptain wrote:And ditto about the cat thing, boy its hard to type with a cat in your lap

Especially if your kitty kid is like one I once had who didn't just want to be on my lap but thought I needed him to help me type.

Try avoiding typos when you're shoving aside or working around a probing cat paw.

by AutumnalTone Tue Sep 15, 2009 6:45 pm

wontgetfooledagain wrote:
Anyway.. I don't know where to start. Any other 40+ single people out there? I need ideas. I have no interest in doing the online dating thing. I looked into it.. and for the most part it's a joke. I'm sure it has worked for some people.. but I have no desire to read between the lines. Hell.. if everybody was as wonderful as they claim on their profiles.. then why is the divorce rate so high?! I also don't do the bar scene... other than when I'm playing at one.

I have to say that it appears your opinion about online dating is horribly misinformed. That's the first place I point people and I do so for a reason--it's much more efficient and effective than trying to find somebody in the traditional fashion.

I mean, really, "if everybody was as wonderful as they claim on their profiles.. then why is the divorce rate so high?!" We're supposed to believe people get married right after reading each other's profile? The whole "dating and getting to know somebody" doesn't happen just because they met online instead of in person? Please...the divorce rate has nothing to do with whether a couple met online or offline.

When meeting people offline, we have to read between the lines and figure out if they're genuine or putting on a front. People are people whether you meet them online or off. Indeed, it's easier to sort out most false fronts online than off.

I met my wife via an online dating site and there's absolutely no way we would have met otherwise. Online personals allowed me to screen literally hundreds of available women to find those who shared enough in common to provide a good place to begin interaction. I was able to converse with a handful at a time to find those with whom I had the most in common and were likely compatible. In other words, what would have taken years in dating the old-fashioned way was accomplished in months online.

I occasionally remind her she's my one-in-a-million. I figure in the geographic area I was searching, thee are likely two million women and half of them were likely single. It was a lot more effective to search online for her than it would have been to search offline. Just sayin'.

by Chokmah Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:01 pm

Of course you could always get a mail order bride from Russia...

Taking the plunge .... - Page 4 544872

by **TigersEyeDowsing** Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:15 pm

Chokmah wrote:Of course you could always get a mail order bride from Russia...

It's oh so temping. Only drawback is Russians are big on having babies and I hate kids!

by **MaineCaptain** Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:29 pm

I know to find true love one can go to any length, but I wish people could find true love in this country, it is so hard to find a nice guy for us ladies when all our men keep leaving the country for a wife. Taking the plunge .... - Page 4 Icon_rolleyes

by **TigersEyeDowsing** Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:30 pm

I'm feeling insanely bitter so I'll hold back the snippiness that's trying to bubble over Laughing

by **MaineCaptain** Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:36 pm

((((((((Tiger))))))) I am sorry,
Taking the plunge .... - Page 4 415293

by DotNotInOz Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:36 am

Much of finding a compatible mate is simply plain dumb luck, I'm convinced.

Hubby and I met online and spent about a year chatting both there and by phone before we ever met in real life. We hardly discussed all those oh-so-important issues like money, religion and such that people are urged to talk over before getting seriously involved. Of course, since we met in an AOL Pagan chatroom, we knew pretty much what the other's religious preferences were. Which church we'd go to wasn't a problem, that's for sure.

We discovered after we'd moved in together that we agree almost frighteningly on the "big stuff."

Obviously, deciding to live together so precipitously as we did could have been a disaster as little as we knew about each other. Just sheer luck, in other words. We've been together for going on 14 years, and it's still the best relationship of my life.

by wmdkitty Tue Oct 13, 2009 12:01 am

wontgetfooledagain wrote:So you are recommending online dating, TED?

This actually worked for me. (And I was skeptical about it.)

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