Taking the plunge ....

Ok.. I'm ready to finally move on. It's been 4 years since my divorce.. and I really haven't pursued dating much at all. I had a couple of false starts that ended quickly. Mostly because I just wasn't ready. I spent most of the last 4 years making sure my relationship with my kids stayed strong. I think I've done all I can to make sure that is the case. But.. my daughter is off to college next year.. and my son will be a junior in high school. They both have very active social lives... and I'm finding I have a lot more time on my hands. In fact, they both have been on my case to get back out there again... I think they just don't want me hanging around so much.. I was probably cramping their style just a bit!

Anyway.. I don't know where to start. Any other 40+ single people out there? I need ideas. I have no interest in doing the online dating thing. I looked into it.. and for the most part it's a joke. I'm sure it has worked for some people.. but I have no desire to read between the lines. Hell.. if everybody was as wonderful as they claim on their profiles.. then why is the divorce rate so high?! I also don't do the bar scene... other than when I'm playing at one. Interestingly enough.. someone told me that churches are a great place to meet women. The number of single women far outnumber the single men. I suppose I could give up my atheism... lol ... but.. I just can't do it.

So... any advice .... where do I begin?

Help...

Rob

Wish I could help, but I have no idea how to meet people, which may be why I am single.


If you figure it out maybe you could tell me

We probably would have to get off the computer first.

I generally do the online dating thing...aside from two girls I dated that I met in school, anybody else I've met on the internet.

So you are recommending online dating, TED?

Not for you, Rob. I don't mean that in a bad way, just that it's comfortable and good with some people and the opposite with others. Online dating is hard work. Once you weed out the hookers, the scamsters, the liars, the cheaters and the ones who aren't being upfront about what they really want you're left with about half a percent of the online female poulation. (I owned two online dating sites actually). Dating websites tout themselves as sign up, click on, hook up and be happy. Greatest understatment of the year... but there are some better ones like Eharmony and Match, who work hard(er) at finding quality participants for their memberships. The reason I've done it is because I spend most of my time online, and I'm terribly socially awkward - I don't ever go out anywhere to meet someone. So I have to look for more socially awkward people like myself who too are glued to the computer screen. Also, the girls in my area are your typical uneducated redneck who can barely spell their own names (bless their hearts) and that just doesn't interest me; I also prefer dating women who have different sexualites than the average Betty, since I'm pretty screwed up myself, which makes the real-life meeting difficult. I'm also not very attractive which doesn't help. So those are the reasons why I've tried my hand at e-dating.

For someone like yourself, who's good-looking, funny, smart, and outgoing, you should have no trouble meeting interesting women and the type(s) you're interested in by going out and about to social events and the sort.

No offence Tiger, But if those pictures You have posted are you, you are way off . You are a very attractive young man. I am not trying to embarrassed you but it is true.

If I were twenty years younger, I would never have left you alone and I would have been in all that lovely hair. ( literally) I used to love long hair on men) Still love hair, but it is not the priority it was when I was twenty

The thing is TED.. I know a couple people who have done online dating and it has worked for them.. and I've also heard nightmarish stories as well. I suppose that's no different than "real" dating.. whatever that is. People usually aren't "themselves" when first meeting someone .. or early in a relationship.

But... after reading through profile and profile of obvious B.S. .. it got to be a bit ridiculous.. so I decided not to go that route.

As for your last comments... you are far too kind. I'm a 46.. soon to be 47 year old guy.. who isn't getting any younger. Although I feel younger than that.. the mirror doesn't lie. That's why I keep the lights dim in my bathroom.

And as Maine said.. I've seen pictures of you... you're a good looking guy. Hmm... are you free tonight btw?

Rob

I tried online dating once, and it doesn't work for me for some strange reason. Or maybe it is Maine

MaineCaptain wrote:I tried online dating once, and it doesn't work for me for some strange reason. Or maybe it is Maine

Well.. like I've said before.. it's too bad you live so far away, Maine. I was there just 2 years ago btw.. but alas...it was just before I met you on Bnet. It would have been nice to stop by and say hello to you.

It would have been nice

wontgetfooledagain wrote:The thing is TED.. I know a couple people who have done online dating and it has worked for them.. and I've also heard nightmarish stories as well. I suppose that's no different than "real" dating.. whatever that is. People usually aren't "themselves" when first meeting someone .. or early in a relationship.

But... after reading through profile and profile of obvious B.S. .. it got to be a bit ridiculous.. so I decided not to go that route.

As for your last comments... you are far too kind. I'm a 46.. soon to be 47 year old guy.. who isn't getting any younger. Although I feel younger than that.. the mirror doesn't lie. That's why I keep the lights dim in my bathroom.

And as Maine said.. I've seen pictures of you... you're a good looking guy. Hmm... are you free tonight btw?

Rob

Does it help that I think you're hot, Rob?

*laughs* You two are too kind, but no, I do not find myself very attractive. Women today hate long hair on men, it's the ones 40+ who, like me, prefer it. I've been often told I could cut it and get a better job and a date, but I see them both the same way, if they don't want to hire/date me because for my hair then 'em. Trust me MC, if I were 20 years older I'd be boarding the train to Maine Rob, you're never too old; one of the sweetest couples I know (I consider them both spiritually enlightened) got maried in their 60s. True soulmates, it's never too late.

And yes Rob online dating is just like the 'real' dating, you get the flops and the groovies in the same basket. MC: You have to be really outgoing online and stand out....the shy person you are I can see why it may not have flown so well. It does get to be ridiculous and frankly I'm so generally burned out I think all dating is anymore and am pessimistic (which is why I was going to try and stay totally off this board, but, alas, I caved in). It does work though; I helped my friend get on and find exactly what she was looking for.

sacrificialgoddess wrote:

wontgetfooledagain wrote:The thing is TED.. I know a couple people who have done online dating and it has worked for them.. and I've also heard nightmarish stories as well. I suppose that's no different than "real" dating.. whatever that is. People usually aren't "themselves" when first meeting someone .. or early in a relationship.

But... after reading through profile and profile of obvious B.S. .. it got to be a bit ridiculous.. so I decided not to go that route.

As for your last comments... you are far too kind. I'm a 46.. soon to be 47 year old guy.. who isn't getting any younger. Although I feel younger than that.. the mirror doesn't lie. That's why I keep the lights dim in my bathroom.

And as Maine said.. I've seen pictures of you... you're a good looking guy. Hmm... are you free tonight btw?

Rob

Does it help that I think you're hot, Rob?

Yes... but it also frustrates the hell out of me! SG.. you're married!

And your hubby is a lucky guy btw...

wontgetfooledagain wrote:

sacrificialgoddess wrote:

wontgetfooledagain wrote:The thing is TED.. I know a couple people who have done online dating and it has worked for them.. and I've also heard nightmarish stories as well. I suppose that's no different than "real" dating.. whatever that is. People usually aren't "themselves" when first meeting someone .. or early in a relationship.

But... after reading through profile and profile of obvious B.S. .. it got to be a bit ridiculous.. so I decided not to go that route.

As for your last comments... you are far too kind. I'm a 46.. soon to be 47 year old guy.. who isn't getting any younger. Although I feel younger than that.. the mirror doesn't lie. That's why I keep the lights dim in my bathroom.

And as Maine said.. I've seen pictures of you... you're a good looking guy. Hmm... are you free tonight btw?

Rob

Does it help that I think you're hot, Rob?

Yes... but it also frustrates the hell out of me! SG.. you're married!

And your hubby is a lucky guy btw...

Hmm, all the good ones are married, or gay?

I was actually toying with the idea of starting this thead, and Rob beat me to it.

It is an interesting topic. Things really change as you get older. Or it seems like it. Although to be honest I was never the right kind of aggressive you have to be, in the dating world. Even as a young adult.

I am clueless, I am just me.

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:*laughs* You two are too kind, but no, I do not find myself very attractive. Women today hate long hair on men, it's the ones 40+ who, like me, prefer it. I've been often told I could cut it and get a better job and a date, but I see them both the same way, if they don't want to hire/date me because for my hair then 'em. Trust me MC, if I were 20 years older I'd be boarding the train to Maine Rob, you're never too old; one of the sweetest couples I know (I consider them both spiritually enlightened) got maried in their 60s. True soulmates, it's never too late.

And yes Rob online dating is just like the 'real' dating, you get the flops and the groovies in the same basket. MC: You have to be really outgoing online and stand out....the shy person you are I can see why it may not have flown so well. It does get to be ridiculous and frankly I'm so generally burned out I think all dating is anymore and am pessimistic (which is why I was going to try and stay totally off this board, but, alas, I caved in). It does work though; I helped my friend get on and find exactly what she was looking for.

Interesting what you said about hair on men. When I was in my teens and 20's.. my hair was halfway down my back. Of course, back then.. that was the style. Now... even though a part of me would like too.. if I tried to wear my hair that long.. I would look like a freak and scare everybody away. It just wouldn't work.


And I agree.. nobody is too old... it just feels that way sometimes. I didn't expect to be dating at my age. But .. in a way.. I'm also excited about it.

And Maine... maybe I should plan another trip to east coast this summer.

Rob

sacrificialgoddess wrote:

wontgetfooledagain wrote:

sacrificialgoddess wrote:

wontgetfooledagain wrote:The thing is TED.. I know a couple people who have done online dating and it has worked for them.. and I've also heard nightmarish stories as well. I suppose that's no different than "real" dating.. whatever that is. People usually aren't "themselves" when first meeting someone .. or early in a relationship.

But... after reading through profile and profile of obvious B.S. .. it got to be a bit ridiculous.. so I decided not to go that route.

As for your last comments... you are far too kind. I'm a 46.. soon to be 47 year old guy.. who isn't getting any younger. Although I feel younger than that.. the mirror doesn't lie. That's why I keep the lights dim in my bathroom.

And as Maine said.. I've seen pictures of you... you're a good looking guy. Hmm... are you free tonight btw?

Rob

Does it help that I think you're hot, Rob?

Yes... but it also frustrates the hell out of me! SG.. you're married!

And your hubby is a lucky guy btw...

Hmm, all the good ones are married, or gay?

*sigh*...

Rob, I feel "too old" and I'm also in my mid-twentys. People I know half a decade younger than me are married with children, I feel like the last of the Mohicans. I know that logically and in reality it's not "too old", just like you know you're not "too old", but it sure can feel it sometimes regardless.

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:Rob, I feel "too old" and I'm also in my mid-twentys. People I know half a decade younger than me are married with children, I feel like the last of the Mohicans. I know that logically and in reality it's not "too old", just like you know you're not "too old", but it sure can feel it sometimes regardless.

I know what you're saying. I remember turning 25 and thinking I was over the hill.. I really did. I think that happens at all stages of life. But your perspective keeps changing as you get older. When I was 25.. I thought I was old.. and also thought that 35 was ancient. Now at 46... 35 is young.. and mid twenties? Well.. you're just kid, TED... and I mean that in a good way.. you have a lot of life ahead of you... enjoy it.

Rob

You guys! Both of you are way too young to throw in the towel. Dating advice: try taking some adult classes. No kidding. Or volunteer in a library, people get hit on all the time. Nothing like a shared interest. Go to a writing conference, get political.

Think about what kind of woman you want to meet and go the places she would go. As my mother used to tell my dad, if we want them to meet Country Club boys/girls, we have to join the Country Club - not saying you do but you know, think about where the kind of person you are looking for would hang out.

Talk to your friends. They know other people and for goodness sake go out with the people, in groups or whatever. It won't kill you to meet someone for coffee and if you don't hit it off with them, they might end up a friend and introduce you to their friends.

Walk you dog. Honestly, I cannot tell you how many people will speak to you if you have your dog with you.

I'm adding the gym - one of my co-workers met her man there.

Gilly, thank you! Those are great ideas. I'm not looking right now, myself...though I met a great-looking TS girl online last night who lives about 5 hours away! She said she'd be interested if I cut my hair

I think I'm at the point where I can't risk getting involved emotionally so I'm not good for anything more than one-nighters.

You shouldn't cut your hair for a shot at a girl, TED. You should meet a girl, fall in love, get married, and then cut your hair because the wife said so.

The ex said she couldn't imagine me with short hair, it would just be weird. I look horrible with it (and I mean horrible). I look so much better with it long in comparison that it gives me quite a confidence boost. She also never saw me clean-shaven, it's been about 5 years since I shaved everything off.

Mountain Man.