Men, women and wisdom (humour)

One night close to Yule in a Minnesota bar a big bearded redhead was working his way through a third pint with a will, when a one armed man came into the bar and hailed him.
“Thor” yelled the newcomer, “what are you doing drinking down in Midgaard with that lovely wife at home.”
Thor grunted but knew he had best answer his brother, Tyr.
“She asked if I thought she looked pretty with short hair, and you know, I told her I really loved it long”
Since Sif’s hair was shorn every harvest, it was a tender point for her around Yuletide.
“Next thing you know she was crying and told me to go bang Rapunzel down on Midgaard”

Tyr winced and ordered a beer, slapping Thor on the back in sympathy.
Thor looked up from his beer to wonder what his brother was doing on Midgaard in a bar.

“What are you doing down here? I thought you and Zisa would be in your hall this close to Yule”

Tyr took a long hard pull on his beer and then answered.
“You know she’s pregnant again right? Well she asked me if her white dress made her look like a beluga whale, and I told her no, no; you look more like a harp seal” “I thought they were cute?!” Tyr replied in obvious confusion.
“Next thing you know, she is throwing hand axes at me, and told me next time I could stick it in Fenris Wolf if I like them that thin.”

A hard hand descends on both their shoulders and a voice like an iron rasp crows out
“Right with you boys, Barkeep, another round for my friends”
Odin shoved in between the two at the bar and shotgunned his first beer, motioning for its replacement without slowing down.

“I was sitting on the high seat watching the Middle East for good recruits, when Frigga came in wearing some lingerie she borrowed from Freya. You know; the green flowing set that looks like mist and leaves”

Both Thor and Tyr knew exactly what set he was talking about, and failed to understand how this could be a bad thing. Looking confused they gestured for him to continue. Looking grim as his byname, he did so.

“She ran her hands down her snowy white joy cliffs, down the sweet curves to the honey harbour and she asked me if she wore it just like Freya”, Odin took a long hard pull at his beer and spread his hands
“I wasn’t thinking clearly, she had me distracted, so I told her that no, Freya doesn’t usually bother with the thong underneath”

“Next thing you know she hit me with my own spear, and if the raven’s hadn’t distracted her I think she would have nailed me before I made the door. She was screaming something about putting out the other one if I didn’t keep it off other women”

At the bar the lone human raised his own beer to the sky and silently prayed that the gods would help him to understand his own wife. Looking at each other the three Aesir agreed. Slapping his ever-renewing gold card on the bar, Odin gestured to the bartender and pointed to the distraught human.
“Whatever he wants to drink” said Odin
“Got to stick to the possible” agreed Thor

John T Mainer