Magical Bears, foolproof evidence

A while ago I discussed my new religion of Ursinology which as we recall is the belief in Magical Bears. Many of you scoffed as I would expect from a group such as this being the skeptics that you are. I now present photographic evidence of said Magical Bears. This photograph has not been doctored in any way.

I give to you, the elusive . . .. hovering bear

After careful examination of your photo, I believe it is swamp gas.

HailToTheSquirrel wrote:After careful examination of your photo, I believe it is swamp gas.

I disagree, it is clearly a time traveling cybear from the not too distant future.

Hoverbear.

TigersEyeDowsing wrote:Hoverbear.

Everyone knows Cybears come equipped with hovering capabilities.

I wish I could find my original dissertation on Ursinology. It was funny.

Abd Squirrel I was willing to acknowledge the divinity of Squirrels.

Ursinology

Disclaimer:

The purpose of this document is to introduce individuals to the thought and belief system we call Ursinology.

It is not the purpose of this document to change ones current belief system or to try and gain membership numbers to our current fold. This document is meant for informational purposes only.

Ursinology – Definition

Ursinology is the belief in magical bears. Not only that Magical Bears exist, but that these creatures maintain physical earthly form and maintain supernatural powers which most people would classify as magical.

Our approach uses scientific thought and observation to support the claims. We realize that science cannot prove or refute that any observed action of a magical bear should be classified as magical, since magic lies outside of the realm of scientific methodology. We contend that actions performed by, or attributed wholly to Magical bears which can be measured but not explained by scientific methodology may be classified as “magical”.

Existance – The burden of proof

Of course the tenant of any belief system comes down to the burden of proof of the existence of the key deity(s). In this section we will scientifically demonstrate the existence of magical bears.

Conventions
Regular bears exist
Infinity will be expressed mathematically by I

Theory

Since bears exist (more than one actually) we try to calculate and quantitate the number of total bears in the universe. So we take the known number of bears (lets say 100) and divide that by the total number of bears which may exist in the universe. Since the universe is infinite, then it is assumed that the total number of possible bears in the universe is also infinite. Therefore when we calculate the number of bears (B) on earth:

B= 100/I

Since any number divided by infinity is virtually zero, then we calculate that the total number of bears on earth should indeed also be zero.

However, we know that this assumption is not true, since we observe bears and know that they indeed do exist. And since Bears exist, where they should not, this by classification is considered magic. Therefore magical bears exist.

Back to Ursinology

So now that we can prove the existence of magical bears and since true magic should be exalted and worshipped we as believers have chosen to do so.

Ursinology by definition is polytheistic. Since we know that in fact there is more than one bear in the world and we know that some if not all are magical then we choose to worship all bears as magical bears.


Sacred writings

Since bears come in all sorts of forms and all bears are magical and sacred, then it follows that anything written about or by a bear is also sacred. Since we cannot scientifically validate that writings of one bear is any more or less valid than any other bear, then we have to consider all writings about or by bears to be equally sacred and magical.

Tithe

We believe that since bears are at the top of the food chain that they can take whatever they want and do whatever they want without question. It follows that since bears can take anything that they want, there is no need to be given anything else. Therefore belief in magical bears requires no tithe.

Bears’ magic

We believe that magical bears have healing powers. In all known cases where the name of a magical bear has been invoked to assist in the healing of a sick individual the individual recovered and got better. Since 100 % of all healing invocations were successful we believe that all magical bears can heal the sick.

The afterlife

We believe magical bears to be eternal.

This is based on the fact that since bears have a finite lifetime and yet bears continue to exist beyond the lifetime of a specific individual that by mathematically extrapolating this out to infinity we can consider bears to be eternal and infinite beings.

In addition since we have already proven the divinity of all magical bears to be equal then it logically follows that since bears are eternal then so is their divinity. Therefore belief in the divinity and eternal nature imposes the same eternal nature on the believer and the believer is also eternal and divine.

Conclusions

Since the existence of magical bears has been proven and we have demonstrated the magical powers of magical bears to the same degree as other major religions we believe that Ursinology is no less or more valid than any other belief system.