How Did You End Up Where You Are Now?

The topic is how did you end up in or find your current religion or spirituality (although you can certainly answer it in another way if you like!)?

Hee! Am I exempt from answering this one?

My mother tried to force Christianity on me, but I found it to be objectionable on an instinctive level. Forced through Confirmation studies to prove by mastering Biblical lore that I knew what I was rejecting, I found so many more reasons not only to reject it, but why its very fundamental assumptions must also be rejected. The morality of the Illiad seemed more natural to me, and yet their gods had no call to me. I assumed I was an atheist or secular humanist, and proceeded on that assumption.

In Basic training in the Canadian Armed Forces I ran into a wall I could not breach on my own. There was the self imposed habit of isolation that I could not set aside even though I recognized in the men and women I trained with a company that I would be proud to call brethren, I could not open myself to them. As I sat meditating on the rock between our barracks and Regimental HQ, I had my first UPG, a vision of commanding presence, and shattering clarity. I saw the men and women of my platoon arrayed in battle line with round shields, spear, and sword. There was a gap in the center of their line, a place the enemy poured through, rolling up their flanks and cutting them down. I knew that place for my own, but something held me back from stepping forward with them, and defending them. Ashamed, I turned away. When I turned away I saw an old man in a tattered blue cloak, the blue hat pulled down low over his face concealed much of the scarring that marred his eyeless left side. His right eye blazed with contempt, and I felt myself pinned by its stare. He asked me why I turned, and I stammered that I could not take my place with my comrades, and he asked coldly if I wanted to. His voice was strange, the echo of gunfire or thunder, the ringing of steel, a ravens caw, the mingled shouting of thousands seemed to weave through its rasp. When I replied that I would, his hand lunged forward with the spear it had held, and I felt it drive through my ribs, driving the breath from me. I came off the rock like a shot, my heart pounding, my body sweating like two klicks into a five km run, my fists balled and raised. From that time forward, I could open myself and bond with my brethren, and the warring parts of me seemed to grow together.

It took me months of research to find who I had seen. The answer came almost by accident when I found a copy of Brisengamen by Diana Paxson; I had seen Odin. As I sought out the lore, I felt like I already knew what it was telling me, as if I only needed the words to finally bring it into focus. Where I had been equal parts warrior, poet, scholar, each at war with the other; now I learned that in Odin's teachings all are parts of a single whole. As I learned more of his teachings, I grew into myself, and began at last to be able to stretch beyond myself to learn, know, and accept others.

Twenty odd years later, I'm still learning, still growing, and have opened myself fully to the Aesir, Vanir, the wights or spirits, and the sacred ancestors. Odin still has my first loyalty, but as my path towards him continues, it has brought me close to so many other worthy teachers, so many spirits of brightness and wonder, that each day remains a discovery more profound than the last.

I think like SG I'm probably exempt, everyone here knows by now :p

Whew! For a lot of what I've been into, I don't recall precisely what got me into what I've believed at various stages.

Here's the Reader's Digest version since I've gotta be cooking dinner before last night's Torchwood episode replay starts.

I was raised Roman Catholic and was sincerely into it until age fifteen when I began to question the major tenets.

It wasn't, however, until I was nineteen and was given a copy of Jess Stearns' The Search for the Girl With Blue Eyes about past life regression and a Canadian father's verification of his teen daughter's recollection of a past life that I got seriously interested in things-paranormal.

Mind you, this was in central Kansas in the latter 1960's when there weren't a lot of books on the paranormal or occult available and nothing much beyond kids foolishly playing around with Ouija boards that you'd call occultism.

However, I had these weird memories and inexplicable fascinations with certain time periods and countries. The memories simply could not be explained. I'd read a novel about Tudor England, for instance, and find myself thinking, "Oh, horse hockey! It wasn't like that at all." Then, that'd freak me out. What was the source for that reaction? How could I FEEL as deeply as I feel about anything that's happened to me in my lifetime that I simply knew what I was reading was a sincere attempt but not authentic? I just did.

Then, when I was assigned a research paper on the historical costume of a period of my choice when I took a course in theatre costuming, I had a real struggle to do my paper because I'd read a source's insistence that a style appeared thus and so at a particular time and "know" again that that was incorrect. Some images of portions of garments simply came to mind even though I'd seen no illustrations. Occasionally, I recalled how it felt to dress in a certain style, how putting it on or wearing it felt against the skin, for instance. That became rather eerie. I got an A+ on the paper, the only one in the class, with the instructor's comment that if she didn't know differently, she'd think I'd actually worn the clothing of the period. Ummm...well, I think maybe I did.

So, as a young adult, I considered myself a New Ager with most of the "fluff-bunny" attendant beliefs, experimenting with tarot cards, ESP and other such trappings.

Then, in my early forties, I met a guy online who was into ceremonial magick. That's been my path ever since, primarily via Aleister Crowley's Thelema.

The Unitarian Universalism arises mostly out of a fondness for Emersonian Transcendentalism as well as the fact that present-day UUism encourages people to engage in a search for whatever strikes you as a truth that you can live by.

It's an ongoing process involving reading one helluva lot of books for me.

I started off a Protestant Christian, fell in love with archeology, and realized that the history of the bible and religions was so much more interesting to me than the stories themselves. For many years I was a social Christian who was there for the fellowship. Most of the time I sat through sermons, I picked holes in them the whole time. The best Sunday School class I took and the only one that kept me coming back was a 12 Step Sunday School class. Even though I wasn't an alcoholic, my father had been and it helped me understand how we were the way we were. We didn't learn much about the bible but I met a lot of really interesting people and we laughed a lot.

I never met Jesus and had trouble (especially with the stories about him ripped off of other religions and gods) believing he was anything but a charismatic human teacher, and thought that was good enough. I had problems with the 3 in 1 thing, didn't make any sense to me, thought I had "felt" Yahweh a few times but I wanted more. I finally left the religion, told Yahweh why (I wanted gods that were active in my life) and really did have what I believe was an encounter at that point. He wished me well.

So... after that i picked up a calendar at a bookstore, and was amazed to read an article explaining the differences between Pagans and Christians. That was how I felt!!! After that I found my matron goddess, found the Wiccan tradition that suited me and finally found my patron god. I am still evolving, growing in the direction of spirituality, I expect.

Been thinking about this question all day.
who knows?
Natural progression as many here have experienced.

I have always seen things, I am an empath, so I end of getting over load in crowds so bad I hear buzzing and can not feel anything at all including the people right in front of me.

Since early childhood I have heard and felt the trees speaking to me, starting with Willow tree. They are the first trees I remember reaching out to me. I used to describe what the tree were saying to my mother, who accepted everything I said. ( nice lady)

I have had many encounters with the unseen, and sometimes seen other world. And I truly believe I was guided ever so gently to what I am now.

I, like others here, am continuously evolving and growing in my beliefs, always learning.
And I have been able to make things happen by accident since childhood and learned early to be very careful what I say in anger, fore there are consequences.

No, I am not great magician (spell crafter), in fact, I can make spontaneous magic, but plan it out and I have to work hard to make it happen.
Back to basics, I stopped believing in the Christian idea of Jesus when I was twelve, once you do not believe, you can not get it back again.
My Mother still quietly believed in him, and I never tried to dissuade her, not ever. And she never tried to interfere in my beliefs.

Oddly I have always believed even when young that there were other gods And so did she. We were a weird pair. Anyway all that sort of became what I am now.
Yes I know, everything I just wrote makes no sense

On the contrary, MC, what you said makes absolutely lovely sense.

Oh thank you Dot

MC, you have such a sweet spirit.... it comes through beautifully in your posts

As for me, I'm sort of in a Yoga Evolution. Wouldn't that be a cool name for a book? (If it wasn't so overly overused - sheesh) Raised Lutheran, and cycling through many faiths, my feet landed on the Yogic path 13 years ago (as written about in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras)

Currently I'm at serious odds with making cash from Yoga... and all of the mass marketing and such. It just seems so wrong; so anti-Yoga.

Hmmm.... I wonder if the movie 'Enlighten Up' touches on this....has anyone seen it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKQw0-IlJiY

I suppose it was a long and gradual progression. I had never been religious, my parents were agnostics with Christian apologetic leanings so religion was never an issue in my home. I had always had a love for the outdoors and certainly my active imagination, large backyard (both my own and around my neighborhood) and youth organizations I belonged to, Scouts Canada, for example, allowed me a lot of time to get close to nature. I had also always had an interest in myths and legends and so there was that aspect as well. By the time I had begun to think about spirituality, when I heard about people who held nature as important and enjoyed mythology, well I was already there. I suppose originally I was one of those, "Oh, they have a label for what I already am?" types. Of course that was quite a while ago, time, experience and reflecting have certainly led me to a rather specific tradition GRP, and I've been one of them for a while now, but again it was something I gradually moved into.

Like a lot of other "Pagans" I started out (and remain) a solitary practitioner, and was essentially an eclectic Pagan, but the draw to Celtic myths, especially the Irish stories, informed my beliefs. I guess to being with I was a Celtic leaning Pagan, and what basically ended up occurring was that as I read more, interacted with other Pagans, mostly via the internet, especially the Pagan chat rooms on Yahoo chat (specifically P4), and because more interested in the historic (and history in general, to the point where I wanted to pursue a degree in it) and cultural aspects of the Irish. I was one of those public Pagans, having not been raised in a religious family (although when I had begun exploring Pagaism, my Aunt had recently become a born again) so I wore a pentacle at school (no one seemed to really care all that much, though I do remember two people attempting to get a rise out of me while in mock terror asking me to not curse them; I preferred the use of a sharp tongue anyway). The progression from a Celtic Pagan to CR, and specifically GRP, came about in my second year of University. I had in my first year taken the survey Celtic Studies course, and had the distinct pleasure of being lectured by one of the most respected Celtic Scholars today, Anne Dooley, and while I was already grounded in many of the myths, it was none the less a very informative class, and the degree of depth we explored many of the tales, specifically the Tain, was eye opening. However as far as the move to CR, it was one particular meeting (the first I attended in fact) of the University's Pagan society, when after the group ritual, we went to a pub and got to talking and one of the members, a PHD candidate at the time, informed me he was a Celtic Reconstructionist. I had come across the term every now and then, but until that point had never thought of exploring it further, after talking with him a bit, that changed and I began with earnest to explore CR, and that eventually lead me to joining the tradition I currently belong to, although that was much more recent.

Sakhaiva, thank you so my friend

I do understand about making a living at something like that. It is a dilemma I am at a loss to figure out my self.

I am sure the Universe does give exception for having to eat and have shelter, but still it is hard isn't it?
((((Sakhaiva)))

Maine, do you have to figure yourself out? You seem just fine to me!

Oh Mary you are such a sweetie, thank you

My parents sent me to Catholic boarding school when I was 5 . After about 10 years , the last few questioning everything, I fell out with God. I thought he existed. It just seemed he was pissed off at me. Naturally I thought I was a very good person and just couldn't bare the unfairness of it all. Sounds like a teen, doesn't it.

In my early forties I found 12 steps and discovered God could be just about anything you wanted and came to understand a need for him in my life. I found Unity somewhere around the 8th step. It was nice to go to church and meditate in a group. Eventually I heard more , as well as meditated. The more I study the more I like it. I am also coming to appreciate Buddhism or many of the ideas. Probably won't convert. I seem to have it all in Unity and they encourage everyone to investigate all spiritual studies that have interest for them.

More than likely I found Unity so good for me because of my initial experience with TM. Meditating stopped my incessant negative thinking and naturally I would look for ways to continue and expand that. It really made me notice how we construct our world largely with our thinking. The more I stay out of that worst case scenario thinking , the happier I am.