Freya and Jesus: Silly story, serious topic.

As so often happens, two gods ran into each other while slumming with humanity and grabbing a coffee. Jesus Christ grabbed a soy milk latte no foam which he sipped with quiet reserve, Freja grabbed a caramel macchiato doubleshot with extra drizzle which she slurped lustily in between exchanging kisses with all the friends she encountered coming and going in the busy rush hour lineup.
The goddess of passion reguarded the slightly embarrassed looking Son of God with a smirk and joked

“I guess you aren’t here to do any Father’s Day shopping, what with being ghost-got and all” she laughed heartily. It was the weekend of Father’s day, and she herself was looking to upgrade her father Njord’s look with something from the Mt Equipment Co-op that she figured her mother would like him in.
Jesus arched an eyebrow and replied haughtily

“Mine was an immaculate conception, without anything as dirty as the sex you pedal”

Freya smiled sweetly as she gulped down the last of her coffee. Some foam spilled down her lips, and dripped white runnels down her neck and across her deep golden cleavage. Grinning wickedly, she licked the white foam from her lips and traced the line of foam down her neck and breast, licking the foam with elaborate enjoyment.

“Its true my conception was anything but immaculate, it was quite messy; sticky even. My father Njord, the great power of the sea thrusting himself against yielding earth of my mothers womb. The thunder of his surging passion pounding hard, causing the great white cliffs themselves to heave and shake. The spray of the sea foam clung like love sweat over the sweeping curves of the earth, and ran down every dripping inch (as she traced the foam line from throat to breast) before returning to the sea.”
Jesus stood transfixed and sweating, eyes captured as the golden goddess licked the white foam off her finger tip

“mmmmmm, salty” she purred, smiling wickedly.
“Good thing your father spared you all of that. Give my love to Magdalene….no wait, I’d better do it myself”

As Freya swayed out of sight like a golden cat among pigeons, Jesus stared down at the tasteless purity of his cup, and gazed longingly at the lipstick covered macchiado cup Freya had tossed into the trash. Without a word he tossed his tasteless cup after hers, and dashed back to heaven.

Serious note: on another board, an esteemed pagan scholar took great exception to this story as belittling Freya. He objected to my depicting her acting lewdly. He thought this lessened her. Freya is goddess of magic, equal to Odin himself, goddess of passion as wild as One-eyes's, the ever renewing power of the earth, and that essence of female sexuality that is forever compelling and beyond men. She is beyond my power to lessen as the sun is beyond my power to darken. I could no more contain all of her essence in one story than I could contain it in ten thousand pages. But that sexuality was demeaning to her had some implications about North American culture that need looking at. This is not so much about Freya and Jesus as it is about North American shame culture.

Christianity is a slut shaming culture, as is Islam. The degree of nudity/sexuality taboo and sexual assault in any population are inverse proportional. Those cultures who focus on modesty and chastity as virtues have the highest rates of sexual violence against women.

Maiden in the kitchen, whore in the bedroom. The perfect woman, so we are told. This is hypocrisy, this is bloody dangerous is what it is. This is the root of sexual violence. Objectify women, but shame any who are openly sexual. This makes them not people with needs like men, but something that men dream of taking. That is rape culture.

Cultures with open sexuality, low or absent nudity taboos, have low rates of sexual violence. This is sexual health. This is human beings accepting male and female in all the non-idealized forms, and all the combinations love and sexual identity bring forth.

Why should Freya not choose to be playful with Jesus? Does she not bring both love and death openly? Is she not honest enough to admit using her wiles to cause strife when such is required? Considering the wars in the name of the Prince of Peace, her honesty in both sexuality and ambition serve as stark contrast to the thousand layers of hypocrisy in that most violent and misogynist of faith families (all three offshoots). She dares to be what she is, and hurls it in his face. Shame culture fails in the face of pride.

We embrace the word heathen; it was an insult hurled at us. She is embracing the insults hurled at her, and making Jesus choke on them. If we cannot accept that a goddess can act like a human woman and still be worthy of worship, what does that say about how we really feel about human women who also admit to having sexual desires?

The Immaculate Conception was not Jesus. It was Mary. Mary was born without sin.

Really? I always though it referred to Jesus being born without sex. Live and learn.

Yeah, I thought that was it, too. Makes sense and that is probably the single biggest misunderstood "factoid" (for lack of a better term... we all know it's not really "fact" because it can't be proven) put out by the Catholic church.